We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ve been living a lie your entire life. Contrary to popular belief, Cher Horowitz isnotthe leading lady ofClueless—she’s thebest friend! We know what you’re thinking: “How could this be possible?! She’s my’90s styleicon! She’s my go-to romantic sage!” Before you get yourplaid in a bunch, let us clarify. She spends the majority of our favorite throwback rom-com playing matchmaker for everyone but herself—Mr. Hall and Miss Geist, Tai and Elton, Tai and Travis, Dionne and Murray. It isn’t until the last scene as she’s sitting on the steps with Josh (admit you too have rewound it once or thrice) that she gets the guy.
Unlike Cher, not everyone willingly chooses to take on the matchmaker role. Sometimes we become the second string to the QB or the backup singer to the frontman purely out of habit or hesitation. You should never, ever change for someone else—your core does not need a makeover—but if you feel like you’ve unwittingly become a professional wingwoman, it’s time to take control. Now, let’s discuss how to go from clueless to clued in, shall we?
Get in on the action. We understand: It can be beyond awkward to put yourself out there and be the center of attention. It maynot be your style(and thank goodness for that), but we all havethatfriend who makes it seem so insanely easy. They’re always calling the shots—and you probably fall in line. But your actions have to match up with your goals, and if you want something (or someone), you gotta get in the game. Make the first move and be a part of the conversation, or even lead it if you can. Test different environments that make you (not just your pals) feel confident and comfortable, and don’t forget to be conscious of your body language. Are your crossed arms reeealllly helping your approachability factor? Nope.
Beware the ex files. Chit-chatting with the object of your affection about how their heart has been bruised (and who did said bruising) isn’t going to help your case. Trust us, we’re the reigning champs when it comes to lending a sympathetic ear, but you don’t want to risk becoming a tissue that will be used up, tossed aside, and forgotten all thanks to the advice you gave your crush. It’s simple: If you act like thebest friendthen you’ll be treated as such. So make the quick “I’m here for you” pit stop, but don’t keep going down that path.
Take what you’re dishing out! Sure, all your friends know you’re the best in the biz when it comes to making love connections for them—the question is, areyougood at being set up? We bet the answer’s “no,” but you can change that! Be open to possibilities, even if that possibility doesn’t seem like your ultimate soulmate at first glance (spoiler alert: most people won’t!). There’s value in getting some dating experience, and learning what you don’t like is just as important as knowing what you do.
Indulge in a little “me, me, me.” If you tell your friend you’re interested in pursuing someone and find out they’re making moves towards your target, then the solution’s clear—you gotta sabotage ’em. KIDDING. It’s not about stepping over people, but rather standing next to them. Stick to your guns and don’t shy away from telling your BFF to give you a fair shot before they claim “their territory.” Value your self-worth (cue the musical montage) and be confident in pitchingyou.
Bask in praise. Let someone else hold the spotlight while you stand in it for a change. Sure, it can be unnerving when people throw a flattering remark your way, but your instinct shouldn’t be to respond, “Oh please, that’s not true.” Accept compliments, and take notes! It’s possible you’re too caught up in your own behavior to notice someone else’s. For all you know, you could be receiving a whole lot of attention but totally missing it thanks to your own deflecting.
And if you fall off the horse, get right back on. So your love life has turned into a comedy of errors rather than a pass-me-the-popcorn rom-com. You’ve decided staying in is much more productive than going out, and your go-to mantra has become “What’s wrong with me?” The answer is nothing. The person you’re attracted to may not want to pick up what you’re putting down, and they may even be more keen on your friend (sigh). But that’s OK! Don’tfeel defeatedjust because one person isn’t into you. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there and things don’t work out! AsJay Zwould say, “On to the next one.”